Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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