Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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