i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have post one night stand depression
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize