battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
