Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
