Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
