I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish I only lived at night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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