I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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