do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My vagina just clenched in fear
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
