I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
