woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
