i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
