im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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