singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
