He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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