we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
