WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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