Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
