Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How does one acquire holy water?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
