my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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