When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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