Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
