yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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