I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
smell my finger.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.