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so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
zippers are such a cool invention
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
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