are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
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I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry about my life...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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