she smelled like a LAN party
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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