I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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