he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
