Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
