if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
