Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
