maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
