I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
