Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize