im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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