I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
