Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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