I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
