his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
