I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
