There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
