Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
