Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
