I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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