That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
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using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
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I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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