Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
