i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
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