Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
