So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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