Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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