ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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