I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
