we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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