I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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