omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
