12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
PANTIES FOUND
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
