My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
