:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
