I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
