I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
