i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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