i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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