I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
