at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
