I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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