fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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