i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
