my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
