so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
