I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
