she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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