Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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