u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
