you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
