I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
