I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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