i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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