i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
