I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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