i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
