WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
