She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
