OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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