the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
