For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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