I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
